Archive for March, 2009

Spring (Heart)Break.

March 25, 2009

I haven’t been writing because I went home to Los Angeles last week except it didn’t feel like home to me & that made me feel sad & bad & so now i’m back in New York which feels more and more like home to me even though it’s still 30 degrees and when I was back in Los Angeles, I shopped like it was 2007 pre-recessh & got cute spring shit but now I can’t ever wear it if the weather continues as such. That was a run-on sentence obviously & it makes sense that I would make such a poor grammar choice because I got my paper back on Jane Eyre today. I received two grades. A for content. B+ for grammar. RLY? I’ve been punk’d. Except instead of getting surprised by Ashton Kutcher, I have to go back to the Lang courtyard. Ouch.

 

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my apartment listening to the Cocteau Twins & working on my wandering clauses.

Quiz time!

March 13, 2009

I go back to Los Angeles tomorrow. Haaaaay.

 

&&&&

 

I just submitted this to the newspaper but I kind of don’t think they’ll run it. Just a hunch. I think it’s funny. So enjoy!

 

  Are you toiling away in a punk-infested apartment on St. Marks when you know that your heart and mind belongs to the clean family-populated streets of uptown? It’s no secret that New York City’s neighborhoods act as the ultimate segregator for its residents. Simple geography separates the Paper magazine-subscribers from the Redbook fans. Take the following quiz to find out if you’re really an uptown girl/boy who’s mistakenly living in their downtown world.

1. It’s a Saturday night. You are-
a. Going to the Metropolitan Cancer Ball Charity.
b. Not leaving your apartment. Going out on a Saturday is SO
desperate.
c. Writing a ten-page paper on the feminist aspects of Victorian
Literature. You have so much homework.

2. Your occupation is-
a. Interning at your father’s company and sometimes going to NYU. You’re
majoring in hieroglyphics.
b. DJing at Lit, freelancing at Nylon and playing the guitar.
c. Professional student. You’re double-majoring and harboring an
addiction to Aderall.

3. Your significant other is-
a. A Vanderbilt. 
b. The doormen at various clubs. And if you’re drunk enough, your best
friend Cynthia!
c. Betty Freidan, Charlotte Bronte, Charles Dickens.

4. Your favorite band is-
a. Dave Matthews Band and Jack Johnson. Can’t wait for the summer
festivals!
b. They’re sort of obscure. No one’s probably ever heard of them.
c.  Mozart and Los Lonely Boys.

5. The craziest thing you’ve ever done is-
a. You don’t talk about those sorts of things publicly. It’s not appropriate.
b. Ten lines of coke off Vincent Gallo’s private parts on camera.
It’s going to be in his new film premiering at Sundance.
c. Make sexy eyes at your RA.

If you circled mostly A’s:
You belong on 73rd & Park! You have style, class and above all, a trust
fund. You may have gone to Spence and you got a publicist for your 18th
birthday.

If you circled mostly B’s:

You’re a L.E.S. Artiste. You love living in downtown because of the
close proximity to the American Apparels and Urban Outfitters (Skinny jeans and ironic Screen-T’’s…drool.). You party all night and sleep/blog all day. 
If you circled mostly C’s:
You don’t live in a neighborhood, you live in the dorms. By choice.  You spend your days spooning your computer chair and love the discipline and structure of having an RA. Your roommate hates you because you won’t stop talking about Twilight or playing “Hey There Delilah” by the Plain White T’s. Tragedy.

Nineties.

March 9, 2009

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kurtandcourtney_sassy1my-so-called-life-leto_l

 

Kurt Cobain. Sassy magazine. My So-Called Life. The three beautiful things that were left behind in the 90’s. All I wanna do is wear oversized flannel and move to Seattle and be miserable. Or maybe I just wanna wear oversized flannel.

 

R.I.P. my little babies!

San Francisco Whore.

March 5, 2009

 So I think it’s safe to say that for most of the two years I lived in San Francisco, I wore little clothing. I also was mostly celibate during those two years. Connection?

 

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This was my 1940’s tennis player look. Crucial.

 

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Gay punk. 

 

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I would wear this to the grocery store.

 

 

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I wore tank tops in 50 degree weather.

 

 

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Nautical prep.

 

 

I look at this shit and it blows my mind! I bought those white shorts at Marc by Marc Jacobs & they literally revolutionized my life/wardrobe. An ex-best friend has them at his apartment on St. Marks & 1st Ave AKA three avenues from my apartment. But I will probably never see them again. It bums me out. I would never wear them again but they symbolize such a naked carefree time of my life. Life in San Francisco was insane. My friends and I developed fake (some real) drug problems and I shoplifted every day from Target and ate at Chevy’s and went to American Apparel and Wasteland constantly. Like, are you fucking kidding me? 16 year-old mall brat except I was 19 and 20. Whatever. Back to California in a week!

 

and Harrison Elkins,

 

RETURN MY SHORTS PLEASE!

This is the really tedious true story…

March 3, 2009

real-world-brooklyn-cast-group

Sup mall photo?

 

After analyzing Victorian literature & its feminist connotations (or lack thereof), I really just need to talk about the true story of seven strangers (+ 1 transgender) who were picked to live in Brooklyn to have their lives taped in order to find out what happens when said strangers stop being polite and start getting “real”.

 

OK. So, I saw this current season as a beacon of hope. After watching the first episode, I sensed that Real World Brooklyn was more of a throwback to Real World B.L.V. (Before Las Vegas/the existence of Trishelle). You know,  like when all the cast members were only medium cute and medium smart and didn’t fuck each other on the first night and/or use bronzer. I was actually elated. I’ve been watching Real World since Miami (HAI SARAH) and was shocked and appalled by its recent nosedive. The people picked to be on the show were turning into All-American Retards. They were devoid of any real personality and were all baby alcoholics who made bad decisions when drunk (Don’t even pretend like the producers don’t slip mysterious new handles of tequila in the fridge when the castmates aren’t looking.)

 

This season we have Hipster Mormon (Chet), Bodacious Black Chick (Devin), Edgy Girl Who Always Sounds Like She’s Losing Her Voice (Sarah), Transgendered Whore (Katelynn),  Gay Guy Who Smashes Tables And Likes To Go To Urge (J.D.), Mr. Abs (Scott), Hot Dude From Current War (Ryan), and Aspiring Hip-Hop Dancer (Bea? Bia? Something UnIqUe LiKe Dat)

Yeah, they’re easy to categorize but you need to be in order to be cast on the show, silly goose! But this season’s cast can actually form coherent sentences. Sarah is seemingly smart/ not a walking STD and J.D. isn’t your “typical” gay and Katelynn…well…she’s TRANSGENDERED. Which, BTW, in all seriousness,  is awesome, revolutionary and wonderful. I give major props to  MTV for bringing awareness to the plights of transgendered people  to all  the  stupid Joe Hicks and Susie Mays watching at home.  Sure, their style is still questionable (Katelynn, I know you’re new at this but put away the ripped denim skirt), and they aren’t all the brightest crayons in the box (EX: “I was educated at the collegiate level! I double-majored!) but whatevs. A step up for sure.

 

That being said, why is the season sucking so hard right now? Like, Real World: London status? They dedicated an entire hour to Devin being a “player”. They seriously won’t stop pranking each other. I don’t fucking get the obsession with pranks this season. Every week, there’s a new prank and a new misunderstanding about the prank and a new apology about the prank. How about you just stop pranking one another? Although, I was thinking about it, and if I was on the show, I’d be bored out of my damn mind. No TV. No job. No real friends. They literally just sit around all day and then drive to fake appointments and take fake classes and then go to Angels and Kings. AKA my version of hell. They’re not even allowed to use drugs which is totes unfortunate. I really don’t understand why they’re not given a job anymore, like in the earlier seasons. I get that the job market sucks but can’t you get them a job, at like, an American Apparel?

This last week’s episode revolved around no one doing their dishes and so J.D. smashed a table and threw away the phone that’s permanently implanted on Devin’s face. And was anyone else super confused by Katelynn’s reactions when she was asked to do a chore? She went ballistic and started to talk exclusively in free verse (I’m not your mother/your daughter/your lover/your wife/your niece/your twin/ so DON’T ASK ME TO PUT AWAY MY DISH OKAAAAAY?) What are you supposed to say to that rap? 

 

Next week, self-loathing Chet pops a button on his skinny jeans and makes fun of Katelynn for having been a man. Real classy. I really want to see the lost footage of Chet trying to molest Ryan in his sleep because you know that’s happening. Did you see how concerned he was when Ryan was late for their nightly pillow talk and he reverted into an anxious worried lover? CLASSIC.

 

In any event, I’ll keep watching this season and pray that something might happen. Anything, really.