Why is Zooey Deschanel doing commercials for Cotton?

In lieu of partaking in any Saturday night fun, I’m at home, lying in bed and nursing an (un)happy hour hangover.  Five dollar margaritas be dammed, I’m using this downtime to catch up on my magazines/blogs/any other essential time waster that consumes my life. Good for you readers. Bad for my dissipating social life.

 

 

Dear God. Talk about resting on your hipster laurels, Lissy Trullie! I first heard about this androgynous snore from hipper-than-thou Nylon magazine. Curiosity mixed with boredom implored me to listen to some of her music. Verdict? zzzzzz. (Is that the thing that’s used to signify sleeping?) I get it. She’s cute, edgy and an L.E.S. Artiste! But please. Try to make music that sounds remotely interesting. The sound of her songs is so bizarrely dated. It sounds like leftovers from some unremarkable guitar-pop band from the 1990’s. I’m all for 90’s nostalgia but bands like Sun 60 and Spin Doctors don’t deserve a revival. NEXT.

 

 

 

Okay, wait. Don’t judge a band by its My Chemical Romance-esque cover. The Horrors actually kick serious ass. Their music is like going on an 80’s gothic romp. It’s dreamy, dark and atmospheric. Sort of like a more fleshed-out Joy Division. Their songs can be absolutely creepy and haunting but also insanely catchy.  I’m a big fan of music that terrifies me but also has me humming their songs in the shower the next day. What does that say about me? I’m so complex!

 

I

 

I was interested in seeing this movie for a couple of reasons. One, I’m kind of fascinated by Hilary Duff’s career makeover into a “serious” actress/electronica artist. This girl has literally no talent but she’s been super smart in navigating her career. In 2004, could you have guessed Hilary Duff would be a more reputable name than Lindsay Lohan? Back then, Lindsay was seen as the more talented one and the one that was destined for A-list stardom. While the former may still be true, the only thing Lindsay is starring in these days are papparazzi pics of her leaving her boyfriend, Sam Ronson’s house. Duff, on the other hand, has created a successful brand name and has stayed out of the limelight. Hilary Duff-2. Lindsay Lohan-1. Your turn, Lindsay!

 

Other than Hil, I was also keen on seeing this film because I’m obsessed with indie goddess Olivia Thirlby, weirdo stoner freak Josh Peck and cute Molly Shannon. Imagine my surprise then when this movie ended up sucking. Hard. None of it really made a lick of sense. The editing was choppy and nonsensical. The characters were SEVERELY underdeveloped. They included too many characters and didn’t spend any time fleshing them out. Olivia Thirlby plays the “dark angry misfit” who may or may not be sexually abused by her stepfather, has an abortion and wears an obscene amount of eyeliner. Hilary Duff (bless her heart) TRIES to act like a Lolita temptress but ends up just making sad confused expressions the entire film. There’s also a subplot about a disabled teenaged girl who has sex with an able-bodied hot guy and weirdo potentially mentally-retarded twins. No, I’m really not making this up. THIS MOVIE MADE NO SENSE.

Oh, well. 

And don’t EVEN get me started on The Girlfriend Experience.

 

Good night.